Why can’t a man and a woman just be friends? Guys can be friends, buddies, pals. Women can do the same with each other. But as soon as you mix the sexes, it gets unnecessarily complicated and down right crazy. Believe me, I’ve tried. Friends only. Period.
It seems like a doable thing. You have common interests, you get along well, feel very comfortable with each other. Nothing has to be hid from each other. You can confide in your friend, cry and laugh with them if you want to. To the two of you it all looks normal, innocent, two adults enjoying each other’s company, sharing each other’s lives. If two people of the same sex did that, there would be no question. And there would be no markers or measuring of how long you’ve known each other. Who cares?
But throw the sex card into play, and you become a couple, an item, lovers, or whatever the rumor mill churns up. Because in every one’s mind, you must be in love to be with a person of the opposite sex that long. I guess they think, otherwise, why would you share your time together so much? They match make, play cupid making remarks that again pin you as being a couple, but in their minds ,not yours
The fall out of this is both people feel uncomfortable now. It is not what they wanted or intended, but everywhere they go, they face the same remarks. “you make a wonderful couple” or “happy holidays to you and your wife” or “”hope to see you both again, couples are welcome.” A couple is not what we are nor intend to be. Nothing is furthest from the truth.
Then where does this lead? The friends feel self- conscious about being seen together, there’s a strain on their friendship, so they either avoid social situations that would bring out these comments. Or worse, feel they need to avoid each other. And a beautiful friendship shatters because of the antiquated perception others have. All because two adults, of the opposite sex, wanted to be friends, just friends.
I wish there was some sign I could wear, some signal given that that’s all I’m involved in, a friendship. Sometimes I get so tired of the comments and beliefs or being asked where my female friend is when I’m there all alone. Why should she be anywhere involving me? There’s no obligation, contract, vow between us. She has her life and I have mine. If a guy-guy friendship is involved, if you saw one would you automatically expect the other? No, not at all. So why, if it’s a female friend, should you expect anything differently?
Or if you’re invited to an event or party, “make sure your female friend is coming too.” Why? Where is the obligation? Because there’s a relationship? There is none, just a friendship. Just a friendship. I’ve lost too many female friends over this. Oh we chat, converse via phone or social media. But never together again in public or in social gatherings. It was too uncomfortable for us that way . All because we were a man and a woman. Sometimes I just need to have the face to face interaction of a female friend and the phone or social media don’t measure up the same. But because of society’s preconceptions of “couples” a man just cannot have a female friend who isn’t his significant other. Its just not fair.But not to lose another female friend, and as tired as I get, I will continue explaining, informing and correcting. Maybe I should get a hat that says “we’re just friends.” Or a tee shirt.
Final comment. When, for whatever reason my female friend can’t be with me or I with her, it is tiring to answer where she is. Why isn’t she here with me? Again, if it was a male friend, no such questioning. Its like they think part of you is missing when they look and don’t see your female friend. Yes, I get it that married couples are asked this all the time, but they’re a couple, united as one in marriage. Friends are not nor want or intend to be. Just friends, everyone, just friends. A guy and a girl-just friends.
