It started off, quite innocently, as my reaction to finally retiring from the police department after 38 years and 4 months of service for the City Of Jersey City. That career entailed, among other sacrifices, maintaining a military look of hair length and mustache. The department went so far as to produce a Special Order #202 governing uniform appearance and acceptable hair lengths. To maintain that length hair, I had to visit the barber shop at least once every month for a haircut.
When I was off duty, there was no escaping what profession I had. Very few people in this world wear their hair that way. You had to be either military or law enforcement. The luxury of escaping a conversation about what you do for a living always escaped me and I was doomed to hear the complaints about what some officer did or why did that person get a ticket.
So when the blessed day of retirement came upon me, and I could finally shed the routine of uniforms and haircuts and shaves, I did , what I thought, was the sanest act I could do and grew a beard and let my hair grow.
At first it was in baby steps. I grew a goatee and let the hair grow over my ears. I still made the trip to the barber shop not letting the hair get past a few inches over my ears and maintain a shortened goatee. You have probably all seen what that looked like in the photo appearing with my articles.
As time went on and retirement really became a reality, I thought that shaving, although limited, was still too much a reminder of my police career so the full beard took effect. And the hair got longer, and longer. At present my hair is shoulder length and I have a full, bushy beard. It was a great feeling of freedom for me and a definite departure from my police days. It’s not that I resented being in the police department. I just wanted to break that blind adherence to routine.
The results of all this freedom were interesting , which is why I’m discussing this in this article. The reactions of people ,when they see me, is almost comical. As I’m a trained observer from being in law enforcement, it was easy for me to pick up on body language and facial expressions. At first it was bothersome but after awhile , it was fun just anticipating what people would do. For example, I would try to pretend that I don’t see someone staring at me. Then when I turn toward them, out of embarrassment they say good morning or how are you? When I was clean shaven no one was that nice . Or women shopping with children will grab their children and hang onto their purse as if I was the personification of evil who will bring them harm. I simply smile and continue to shop.
Men, though, are the most interesting. They simply don’t care if you catch them staring. I always wondered what was going through their minds seeing a 64 year old male who looked like a left over hippy. Many of my hippy memories flooded in when I had a beard and long hair in college. I guess certain stereotypes just don’t die easily.
Women react differently. In one case, I was giving a speech for Sussex NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness about PTSD ( Post Traumatic Stress) in police officers. A female officer who I had worked with for 15 years came to hear the speech, as she suffered from PTSD. Afterwards we spoke in private. She told me that during all the time I knew her, she couldn’t approach me with her problem and get help. I asked why not. She said she was terrified of me as a supervisor but , somehow , it’s different. Again trying to understand why, she tugged my beard and said” who could be afraid of Santa Clause?”
In another instance, my wife was hospitalized in a sub acute rehabilitation facility to regain the use of her legs after a prolonged illness. We were sitting in a circle of patients, staff, and visitors. Cat, the recreation counselor leading the group, asked what I did for a living. Haha, I thought, she didn’t guess police. But I told her anyway. She said she thought I was an artist or someone with a free spirit. I liked hearing that. It was what I was striving to portray, I guess.
But what would lead people to behave this way over a person with a beard? In The Art of Manliness in an article entitled “The Science of Facial Hair: What Signals Do Beards, Stubble and Mutaches Send To Others?” the article listed various signals a beard gives to people. It signals aggressiveness, maturity, unsociable person, an unclean person, manly, dominant, in charge. The person who grows the beard feels more masculine, there is a boost to self confidence and assertiveness.
My guess is, based on this article, that all the hellos I received with the beard were people testing out whether I’d say hello back (antisocial, aggressive) so that seemed to make sense. The women grabbing their kids and their purse for fear of an aggressive person. I honestly am the same person I always was so I really didn’t feel all that was reported as being the wearer of the beard. But then again, I was a police officer and so many of those traits before the beard transitioned to after the beard.
I was familiar with the conformity issue , so when I read in The Globe and Mail “What A Beard Really Says About A Man” by Sarah Hampson, I was not surprised when I read that the beardless face suggests conformity, a sort of clipped back personality. Just what I was fighting against but also why males reacted as they did. In their jobs and in their worlds non –conformity is frowned upon and is a recipe for a short career, especially in police work. They conformed, all males conformed. I should conform too. You wonder how fair is this for males in society to conform and adhere to some artificial standard of appearance that in most cases, has nothing to do with job performance. The military and police are the exceptions. The term uniform means just that, everyone uniform. Not for me. Not anymore.
My social experiment continues. I may want to see how long I can grow my hair and beard and take it to the next level of reactions. Or I may cut it all off and try out some other form of non conformity. The goal, of course, is to stay clear of conforming. 38 years was enough of that behavior. Maybe we’ll see changes in mandated appearances. We already see casual Fridays in the workplace. Maybe we need to work on casual, Monday through Thursday next.
