I’ve been away from my writing for a while. This has been my first attempt in probably over a year. My guess is I was lost and couldn’t find direction to my life and my writing. My journey meandered through some interesting places, and along the way , I made many new friends. I also reinforced what I had seen and wrote about in previous articles. Namely, males have a real problem seeking therapy in any form, both traditional and non-traditional.
I have explored the approach males have to their emotions in Its “OK to Cry” and “Grieving the Loss of a Wife”. But those observations were based on my limited exposure to bereavement groups and articles that I had read. It was time for me to not only verify this first hand, but also try to explore why this occurs by simply asking questions, a survey, if you will.
I guess the most comical experience was in a meditative dance class that I took. Needless to say, you guessed it, I was the only male dancing with 8 females. Everyone had fun, it was great exercise and great cardio workout. But during the second class I slipped and fell, fracturing my arm. It really must have been some sight for the EMTS and police with me sprawled out on the dance floor surrounded by 8 women all comforting me on the floor. We all still joke about that night. I little introspection of a male in a female class. Even we laughed about it
The comical part, the curious part was then trying to explain what happened to friends both male and female. They would ask and I told them I was dancing. They asked for a clarification. I told them it was a meditative dance class . They were still stuck at “dancing” asking again incredulously, “dancing? Really?”. There were giggles and outright laughter. Why? Couldn’t they believe that a male could express himself through dance?
I kept in touch with the facilitator as we became friends on social media. She posted photos of other dance “tribes” she was facilitating. And without exception every one of the photos were all females. Eventually a very few males joined but she said she was having trouble having males attend.
This went on in my other ventures including other dance classes, drumming circle, Reiki, Nurtured Heart, meditative breathing, total relaxation technique. The list goes on but it’s all the same. Females readily attend and openly share their feelings and emotions. Males are conspicuously absent. The only real exception I saw was in my Buddhist meditation class where it was evenly split between males and females.
I have to, then wonder, are we failing our males in giving them a place of comfort to share their problems? Are we, as a society cutting off opportunities for males to release their emotions? I’m hoping to start a men’s group but I’m perplexed as to how I’m going to attract men there. It seems that anything tried in the past has failed because its “ just not for me.” I’ve seen this happen already with my veteran/first responder support group. They’d go to a regular meeting surrounded by their peers but never venture through our door surrounded by the same peers.
I know from my past writings that males are more doers than talkers. They’d rather build something than talk about issues. Its their way of expressing themselves. That’s such a waste of opportunity. There is so much out there that I’ve tried and seen as rejuvenating and restorative, healthy and good for cardio vascular health. But because of the stigma both felt by men themselves and the reactions of females, men shy away from these possible remedies and solutions.
